4.2 | back at one

starting from the bottom all over again is not always fun. i`ve been at the bottom multiple times and, each time, i found my footing. but i`m only human and i`m bound to stumble from time to time.

i`m stubborn. i tend to move with my heart and not my mind... alot. it`s landed me in some pretty not-so-nice situations, but i prevailed. however, i am learning every day that i need to make better decisions, even if i think i`ll be okay in the long run. this is pretty difficult for me, clearly. i`m an optimist, so i`m a positive-thinking girl who knows that i can crawl my way out of any hole that i fall in. the mission is to not fall in anymore holes, though.

i spoke about being in a weird place a few weeks ago - a place of uncertainty due to insecurities and just feeling lost. right now, at this very moment, i find myself thinking of purpose. actually, i think of purpose very often. the untimely death of nipsey hussle made me think more deeply about my own purpose. i was always touched by how the words he spoke matched his actions. he had a vision and discovered his purpose; he was bringing that vision to fruition and fulfilling that purpose in its entirety. he was influential. he was inspiring. he was the epitome of love. good. happiness. as many described him, he was the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

is it weird that i often imagine myself being that to the people of my own city? not for recognition or anything like that, but to give them a sense of hope. educating the kids. encouraging people to reach for something higher. be a positive, meaningful contribution to the city.

when i started this blog, this brand, it was to uplift and inspire by sharing my story. now, i think maybe my message is being lost or maybe i`m just not conveying it in a way for people to really understand why i started in the first place.

it`s not about the material things, although this is what makes me happy on my journey; it`s just about being your true, authentic self in the midst of outside opinions trying to tell you who you should be.

& i can only hope that my story resonates with at least one person.

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- the broke girl